Telling my story after a life of abuse & trauma

I have been through so much trauma in my life. I have been abused, sexually and physically, and ive been forced to do terrible thing. 

At 13 I was raped, i never told anyone and this sent me down a road of self hate and abuse.

At a young age I was forced into the adult entertainment industry. And i relied on an addiction to get me theough whatever i had to do. And everything just kinda got worse from there. 

I was beaten, on a regular basis, and actually hospitalized from it more than once and i was forced to do things that nobody should ever have to do and i endured way more than one woman or person should.

I eventually quit working in the adult industry, got clean, and thought that all of the abuse and struggles didn't affect me and I was fine.... NOPE, I'm not that lucky.

Than I almost dies twice due to some issue with my blood and we are still trying to find out why thisbis happening. 

My father just recently passed away, he had stage 4 aggressive lung cancer and that news was like a punch in the gut, and when he was disganosed and that grief hit, it opened the flood gates and now all of a sudden, all these years later, these repressed memories and feelings from the trauma came back, and they came back with a vengeance. 

Needless to say I was a mess, all I could do was cry and I was so angry. So angry. And I had no idea what to do. I was just lost.

I decided that I wouldn't let this tear me down and I wouldn't let this define me anymore. My past is my past. And I am more than that

So I started to speak to a professional, I started meditating, and I just started to do anything and eveything I could to get past this. And once I started i healing. And it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders and I just started to feel so alive and I can now appreciate the small things in life.

So one of the things I started to do that I feel has helped me the most is I starting writing. And I have a crazy story to tell. And its been so liberating to put my story to paper.

And I now want to put my story out there foe other people to read so maybe, just maybe someone will read it and it can help them see that there is a bright and beautiful light at the end of that dark tunnel.

However with writing this book and trying to help people, I want to make sure I properly educate myself. There are courses and seminars on psychology and positive thinking and much more, that I want to take to make sure that I am seeing this from all sides because i know that healing isn't a once size fits all situation. And if I seriously want to help people than I need to properly educate myself and then do it. 

My hope is that by putting myself out there and being completely honest with my readers, and also myself, will show someone in a bad situation that they are not alone and that's what my hope is

I have worked so hard to be able to look at the person staring back at me in the mirror and love her. 

My trauma is real and it has damaged me. But it has also made me the person  who I am today and I can finally say I love myself.

I have never felt so light and free and I know that this is not the end of my journey of healing, I need to help others see that they can be happy too.

One other issue is, my computer is ancient. It barely works and it has been a struggle to get anything done. And if I need to take courses, there's no way i can do it on that thing. So i definitely need a new computer, like yesterday lol.

So I am just asking for some support to fulfill my dream of helping other women in terrible situations see that there is a whole new life out there waiting for them and i hope I can help guide them to it....

Thank you for your time and have a beautiful day!